hold the pillow to my face, until you cant feel my pulse [entries|friends|calendar] sufficate_me [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

( ) every ending, is a new beginning. [22 Jun 2007|07:45pm] so much has changed since i've last updated. i graduated high school. it still hasn't fully hit me yet that i'm going to be a college student in a couple months. i feel like everything around me is just moving so fast and i'm standing in one spot, just watching. i was probably the most unemotional person at graduation;didn't cry, didn't really laugh or smile that much, just.. "blah". i've been working and hanging out with my friends alot, and pretty much just enjoying summer. tomorrow is vc's graduation, which i'm def. going to. most of my friends all go there and so maybe i'll be more emotional with them. honestly though, i really can't wait to get the hell out of here. just the thought of being at school, it's a little scary, but i feel like i'm going to adjust so well and i need a new mind set, a new place, new friends, new everything. if i could, i would go right now and just leave this all behind me. there was so much drama this year, especially towards the end of the year and i'm seriously just ready to move on with my life, and forget it.

( ) i'm dead to you. [23 May 2007|11:12pm] i wish things weren't so difficult lately. most people would say i'm a strong person. usually i am when it comes to defending myself, other friends or just with anything.. but when it comes to one person, i'm so fucking weak and i really wish i wasn't. i'll try my hardest to be strong; act like i don't give a shit. but when it comes down to it, at the end of the day when i'm lying down, reviewing my day.. i feel like complete shit and break down. my heart is completely crushed into oblivion. but really, what can i do? nothing. "there's nothing you can do or say, you're gonna break my heart anyway. so leave the peices when you go."

( ) four days [02 Jan 2007|08:22pm] christmas break was pretty good. new years was even better. i am now addicted to the show House thanks to my brother! i've felt extremely happy since new years. it's like nothing can really bother me right now. i wonder how long that will last. "i'm wandering the streets in a world underneath it all. but nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet as what i can't have. like you and the way that your twisting your hair around your finger. tonight i'm not afraid to tell you, what i feel about you. oh, i'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence i have, and cannonball into the water. i'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence i have. for you i will. forgive me if i still stutter from all of the clutter in my head. cause i could fall asleep in those eyes, like a waterbed. do i seem familiar? i've crossed you in hallways a thousand times. no more camoflage, i wanna be exposed, and not be afraid to fall. oh, i'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence i have, and cannonball into the water. i'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence i have. for you i will. for you i will. you always want what you can't have, but i've got to try and muster every ounce of confidence i have. for you i will. for you i will. if i could dim the lights in the mall, and create a mood; i would. or shout out your name so it echoes in every room; i would. yeah, that's what i'd do. that's what i'd do, to get through to you. yeah, i'll muster every ounce of confidence i have, and cannonball into the water. i'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence i have. for you i will. you always want what you can't have, but i know i've got to try. for you i will. for you i will."

( ) [15 Dec 2006|10:08pm] [ mood | crappy ] and i said "you've gotta be honest. i've been waiting for you all my life."

( ) no lies, just Love. [13 Dec 2006|11:08pm] now and again this seems worse then it is, but mostly the view is accurate. see your breath in the air as you climb up the stairs to that coffin you call your apartment. and you sink in your chair, brush the snow from your hair and drink the cold away. and you're not really sure what your doing this for but you need something to fill up the days. a few more hours. there's a dream in my brain that just won't go away, it's been stuck there since it came a few nights ago. and i'm standing on a bridge in the town where i lived as a kid with my mom and my brothers. and then the bridge disappears and im standing on air with nothing holding me. and i'll hang like a star, fucking glow in the dark for the starving eyes to see. like the ones we've wish on. well, now i'm confused, is this death really you? and do these dreams have any meaning? no, i think it's more like a ghost that's been following us both. it's something vague that we're not seeing. something more like a feeling.

( ) [10 Dec 2006|02:33pm] don't take anybody for granted cause you never know when you might lose them. and you'll never get a chance to tell them how you really feel.

( ) [08 Dec 2006|09:25pm] i don't exist to them.

( ) [05 Dec 2006|07:15pm] once second best, always second best.

( ) [24 Nov 2006|03:06pm] relapse of last year

( ) i don't know when, confused about how as well [22 Nov 2006|02:34pm] [ mood | curious ] what is a a true friend anyway? i'm starting to think i don't have any.

( ) i've been dying to get it into you somehow.. [15 Nov 2006|08:07pm] [ mood | blank ] i have a funny feeling. it's not a good one. it's some kind of weird fear; unwanted fear. i wish sometimes i could change the way people think. most of the world revolves around negative thoughts and i don't know how to stop them. why can't people just put a smile on and realize that time is precious and we have such a short amount of it? why can't people just make the best of things, hold their head up high and do everything they can to live life right? that's the point isn't it? to take your one chance, and make a lasting impression?

( ) [11 Nov 2006|01:18am] tonight's production went well. we had a good audience. i kinda of screwed up one of my ending lines and i was pretty pissed off about it. according to everyone it wasn't that noticeable but whatever it probably was. i got really pretty flowers from my mom and dad. alot of my friends came to see me (thanks guys). and uhmm yeah i'm really tired and apparently now i'm finding out that i make people feel like shit. i guess that's one thing i'm good at. :-/

( ) [07 Nov 2006|07:54pm] [ music | joshua radin- winter ] Show : CLUE Where: Burke Catholic HS When: Friday, November 10th and Saturday, November 11th Time: 7pm Tickets: $5.00 GO!! it's going to be really good.

(1 heart ) your all smiles and silly conversation, as if this sunny day came just for you [03 Nov 2006|07:54pm] [ mood | calm ] i have been so busy with the play lately. burke is putting on the production of Clue (based on the movie). i have the role of Ms. Scarlet, which is pretty exciting. if anyone wants to come out and see it the shows are November 10th and 11th (next friday and saturday) at 7 pm. i would suggest going to the friday night one. i'm not sure how much the tickets are.. probably about 5 bucks but when i find out i'll post everything. we've been working our asses off on the set and trying to put this thing together.. and we've only had less than a month to do so. i've been procrastinating alot with getting my college applications done. i need to finish them this weekend, if not then idk. list of where i'm most likely applying to:: Mt. St. Mary Mt. St. Vincent Iona St. Thomas Aquianas St. Rose Manhattan?? Sacred Heart?? gaahh college is giving me a stroke and i haven't even gotten there yet! anywho things are going pretty well in school, with my friends and definately with Matthew! that boy is AMAZING. <3333

(1 heart ) [17 Oct 2006|10:23pm] [ music | something corporate- konstantine ] then you bring me home because we both know what it's like to be alone i always catch the clock, it's 11:11

( ) [13 Oct 2006|10:29pm] make up your mind, either way you're going to feel bad.

(2 hearts ) [08 Oct 2006|10:22pm] you always walk away.

( ) [04 Oct 2006|11:22pm] in the words of cameron fri: "i put up with everything"

( ) werd. [04 Oct 2006|10:45am] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | ted leo ] i feel like running around my school and interrupting all the classes right now.

(3 hearts ) boom boom chicka boom [01 Oct 2006|06:48pm] on friday night me, matt, kim, shell, anthony and ogre (LOGAN! (tyler)) LOL went to the terrordome in newburgh. that was some good times right there man. after that we all came back here and hung out in my kitchen until like 11 30 except shell had to leave. so ogre went to sleep in anthony's car because anthony and kim were all cuddley and cute and so we me and matthew and haha idk i felt bad but lol he was out like a light. anywho we stayed outside for about an hour until we pretty much froze our asses off and kim slept over. yesterday i was at conor's for 4 hours filming for his movie for the variety show. then me and matt chilled before i went to work and while i was gone he bought me that movie crazy/beautiful which i've been dying to watch for like a month and 1/2 haha and then we watched that when i got home.. and he pretty much left at like 12 30. lol.. so yeah zach's coming to live with me for a couple months and uhmmmm matt's coming over na. :)

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